Sunday, May 24, 2009

THE ROOM (2003)

An American black comedy about love, passion, betrayal, and lies.


The astute among you may notice that the italicized text above - from the DVD box cover - is not a logline. That is because this movie isn't ABOUT anything. It just IS. There's a guy, and his fiancee, and at first she loves everything about him (altruism, dimpled man buttocks, habit of greeting everyone and everything with "oh hi, _____") and then suddenly she doesn't love him and takes up with his BFF (vapid and jarringly handsome, like if-Jesus-were-a-supermodel handsome, but not as smart as Jesus...or most supermodels). And then suddenly her mother has breast cancer, which is mentioned once but not pursued, and then suddenly the guy and the girl are expecting a baby (or are they?), and then suddenly he discovers her infidelity and there are fisticuffs and then suddenly a random extra angrily pops a balloon and the movie is over. This is as close as one might get to describing anything in this movie resembling the concepts of "plot" or "story."

But THE ROOM doesn't NEED anything as pedestrian as plot or story - or even (spoiler alert!) a relevant title - to carry it through, because, like I said, it just is. It is you and it is me. It is all of us. Like CATS, but deeper.


Check off which of these items you enjoy:

__multiply-repurposed love scene footage featuring:
a)__dimpled man buttocks
b)__spiral staircases
c)__Smoove B-style flowing sheer white curtains, three-wick candles, breasts decorated with rose petals, terrible R&B soundtracks
d)__creepy children attempting to instigate menage-a-troises*
__dialogue referencing missing or nonexistent items
__throwaway exposition regarding important matters (cancerous mother, creepy child's drug dealing)
__early-'90s fashion choices made circa mid-2Ks
__unrealistic San Francisco rooftop green screen, faulty film geography
__"The passion of Tennessee Williams" (mirror breakings, television tossings, dimpled man buttocks)

Let's be honest. If you checked off even one of the above, there is definitely something in THE ROOM for you, and you should just see it as soon as possible.

And remember: It is not A room, it is THE room.

Thanks for the screening is due Benj, who correctly notes, "The later at night you watch it, the better it gets."

*"I just like to watch you two!" which naturally begs the question: How many times has he watched those two before? THE ROOM will task you with many such difficult inquiries.


  1. Throwaway exposition regarding the drug dealing? That's where The Gun comes from! Johnny did not already have a gun! It's bullshit! He did naght!

    Oh, hi, Chaia.

  2. I just have one thing to say: WHERE'S THE MONEY, LEBOWSKI?

    And also, oh hi, Arsenio!

  3. The actual quote is: "I just like to watch you guys."

    But the real question is: WHY DOES DENNY SIT DOWN?!??!??!

  4. Good ears, Carrick! And oh, god, ALL THE BETTER TO WATCH THEM?